Starting Fresh + Gaining Perspective

‘Tis the season of resolutions, changes, diets and a surplus of new workout gear in your closet. We went from glutenous amounts of peppermint mochas and candy cane cookies to seeing health-related products flood every media outlet available, almost overnight.

New Years eve night to be exact.

Last year, my resolution was to be in more photos. Not to be conceded or to add to my Facebook tags, but because I spent more time behind my camera than I did participating in the fun. I would shoot every event and rarely watch it outside of my viewfinder. Looking back, I had some great pictures to showcase the memories. But… they weren’t my memories. The photos showed what it was like for the subjects IN the photos. Also, for almost a year, aside from a random iPhone shot, I wasn’t in any photos. At the end of the year, it was an empty feeling. So this past year I decided to jump in and have fun, and although I don’t have nearly as many photos, I have memories.

And I’m glad I took that challenge. Because, I wouldn’t have this:

It was tough not clicking away at every event… but looking at this candid photo of my niece Sophia and I sledding puts it into perspective for me.

There are so many photos from this past year that I will forever cherish and for that I am grateful. I’ve learned that a healthy balance to taking photos and actually being involved in the fun is so important. You don’t want your family to feel like you they don’t have photos to remember you by. So, even if you are uncomfortable, get in the photo! Doo it.

As for 2014, I had one resolution. It’s a challenging and complex resolution for me.. but it’s just one.

My resolution: to live in the moment, not the future.

I’m a goal-oriented, results-driven, type A personality to the nth degree. If there’s a pen and paper in sight, I will make a list. Actually, I will probably make lists of lists. And then color code them based on priority. I also struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. It’s a vicious cycle: I stress, I clean. I clean, I plan.. then I stress. The bad thing about these personality traits, is that it borders on obsessive compulsiveness… and I although I know this, I continue living as if that is normal.

I can’t relax until I cross things off that list. I find joy in a clean house and when I’m stressed or feel the anxiety is too much, I seek out things to organize. See, most normal people find stress-relief in the gym. But, I’m not normal. I love doing things that most people find repulsing. I have since I was a kid. I remember spending hours organizing the stuff in my room and found it hard to let anyone touch anything for fear of it being out-of-place. It was easier to do that than to socialize. Yes, I know… I still can’t make eye-contact with people while sharing that. The struggle is real.

The problem with this personality type is that I often miss the current moments. Instead of enjoying a lazy day watching movies, I tend to ~~stress about~~ get up and clean the dirty dishes on the counter. There is always something to be done. What kind of person scrubs walls because they are angry and it’s the only thing that calms them?

Me.

With that being said, I know that I have the power to choose my thoughts. I wanted a resolution that would help me grow mentally, physically and spiritually. Being healthy doesn’t always mean physically. Mental health is something I tend to ignore because I eat well, sleep well and have a relatively positive life…as long as everything goes according to the plan (<– working on it). So, when thinking about what I wanted out of the next 365 days, I thought, I want to feel like I lived, everyday for what it was. I want to embrace my fears, triumphs and failures. And, that means being present. Even if the present isn’t organized and looks like a bomb went off.

It also means letting go. It means trusting God’s plan above mine and being ready for hard turns. This is where I need to grow spiritually.

Breathing in the positive, exhaling the negative.

It’s been 7 days and I can’t lie, it’s tough. Last Saturday I had a list of things that I wanted to do, but I chose to go sledding with my family instead. It was difficult knowing I had a notepad full of ink staring at me, but I don’t regret my choice at all. And, because my supportive husband knows this is tough for me, he talks me through the times that I’m being ~~borderline~~ obsessive. After sledding, we took a spontaneous 20 minute detour to visit where I went to college. It was the perfect nostalgic date. He drove me through our old apartment complex (our 1st place together) and then through the campus. We stopped at the university bookstore and he treated me to some new gear.

New clothes for abandoning my lists? I’ll take it!

Had I ditched sledding for chores, grocery shopping and wall scrubbing, I wouldn’t have those amazing memories. So, although it’s tough, it’s something I plan to work at everyday, because God didn’t put me here to clean and organize. I may be very good at it, but it’s not my eternal mission.

Whatever your resolutions for 2014 are, I hope you find peace, happiness and purpose this year!